Life is for Living - Women don't have to be victims

Vol. 109 - Issue 23, 6/7/2007

Women don’t have to be victims

Recently, I had the opportunity to take a self defense course at the American Martial Arts Institute in New Hartford. The two hour course taught by Grand Master Clifford Crandall was taken more out of curiosity than a need for protection. I wanted to see my boyfriend, David, who is an instructor there, get flipped onto his back in a demonstration. The only protection I ever envisioned myself needing was with Anthony, my overly rambunctious and very playful 15 year old son, who still thinks like a bear cub even though he towers over me. So I signed up not really knowing what to expect. The first part of the course was spent debunking myths about sexual assault. The remainder of the class, Crandall and his certified black belt instructors taught and demonstrated five hand moves and two kicks to be used should I ever be accosted. I wanted to giggle when they taught me the three moves to make a fist, because, as Muhammad Ali once said, “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” But I knew better not to giggle with a room full of third, fifth and 10th degree black belts. So I folded my fingers and thumb into a fist and beamed when they told me I did well. But as I kicked my first kick and punched my first punch, the smile was replaced with determination as the words Crandall had spoken earlier began to sink in. My first thought of “I’ll never be mugged,” or raped vanished as I thought of a date I’d been on when I was younger that nearly turned nasty. I thought of the more than a few girlfriends of mine who have been raped. I thought of the women I know who are in abusive relationships. I thought of the many “close calls” at the mall my female friends and I have encountered over the years. I thought of Internet dating and the dangers of meeting a stranger for the first time. Crandall pointed out that the averages are one in five of meeting up with a person who has the ability and background to do you harm each time you walk into a store, such as a convenience store. He pointed out that most people are not aware of who is around them. Most women look down and pretend they don’t see someone that makes them uncomfortable when out in public. Most women would not know what to do if they were grabbed. So we obey. As a result, we increase the odds of being raped, beaten or worse. Women are easy prey, that’s a fact that has held true from the beginning of time. But just being aware of our surroundings, and knowing what to do, can help keep us from becoming a statistic. So here are a few tips I learned from Crandall. It was well worth the $35. The next time I feel uncomfortable energy coming from someone nearby, I will look up and search the person out. He will not go away if I pretend he’s not there. But being able to identify him may change his mind about hurting me. If someone approaches me in an offensive manner, I will not freeze up with fear, or be afraid of being rude or overly dramatic, or (believe it or not) hurting their feelings. “Over 50 percent of all victims are raped by acquaintances, friends or families,” Crandall said. If they don’t heed my warnings or attempts at reasoning, I now know five hand techniques and two kicks to put enough distance between us so that I can get help. If out of my fear I forget the hand and feet techniques, I think it was ingrained enough in my brain to remember what not to do. Don’t bother aiming for the face if attacked. It’s ineffective in stopping them, and at best it will only leave scratches that they can then use as a defense in a legal battle. Don’t try to aim for the groin or between the legs. Contrary to popular belief this will never penetrate their clothing or protective stance to do enough harm. Rather, aim a kick at the knee, repeatedly. The knee only bends one way, and can be broken or severely damaged with a kick. If I can do it, anyone can. Once their knee is damaged they can’t give chase. There were many other tips Crandall gave that could save my life or at least keep me from serious harm. With a little practice, these moves will become second nature, so that if I ever am accosted, these moves will be automatic reflexes, not something to think about. But the main points he emphasized were basic facts that took me out of victim mind-set and made me realize I don’t have to take anything from anyone. Rapes occur not due to uncontrollable sexual desires, but as a need to overpower, a need for control. The same holds true with abusive relationships. If you’re in an abusive relationship, stop thinking you’re getting beat up because you did something wrong. It’s usually due to your partner’s need to control, something he is lacking in other parts of his life. Women do not ask to be raped by their dress or conduct, nor does age play a factor. Women as old as 90 have been raped and children as young as 6 months have been raped. It’s their fault, not yours. Most rapes do not occur by strangers, nor in a dark secluded alley at night. Many rapes occur in the daytime, at home or in your car. Keep your homes safe. Keep your wits about you. Know who is around you when you are walking to your car. Be aware of your surroundings. If you run, run to people, not to your car or home. They are hoping you will do that. If you can, take a self defense course. It may save your life. After all, life is for living. So live it.